Double Standards.

Hello! and welcome back to another long-awaited blog post. One of the reasons (amongst many other reasons) that I haven’t blogged in a while is because of lack of topics. 2019 has been quite peculiar if I must say (blog post coming on a review of 2019 soon), it’s been hard for some but also amazing for others.

Now, I love me a controversy, and I have posted blog posts about controversial topics in the past, but I have never dared myself to talk about a topic that has caused many mixed opinions. I thought this would be a great way of introducing the topic of double standards that girls and boys have and how it has affected us in our daily walks of life.Anyway, time to get my Wendy Williams on!

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So, if you haven’t heard already, TI stated that he takes his daughter Deyjah to the gynaecologist to check that her hymen is intact. At first, I thought it was rather funny and awkward that her daughter had to endure that, since its rather a personal thing to go through, having your father involved with that inspection is probably the last thing you would want to do. I decided to go on and read more about this (as if I already don’t have a lot of stuff to do) and it began to feed my interest even more.

One website stated that it was an absolute invasion of her privacy, at the end of the day her body belongs to herself and that it should remain this way, with information about her personal body parts remaining between herself and her doctor.

I also had to check up on what The Real girls said by watching their YouTube clip as I knew they were going to speak on this topic. And I found their views interesting also, with the majority stating they opposed T. I’s decision and said it was a disrespectful act against her daughter, whilst Jeannie gave her view, by stating that as young girls we get exposed to things early and it leave sus to become promiscuous, therefore you can’t blame her Dad for worrying !

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(Cheeky GIF, I know)

This led me to discuss with some of my friends about the double standards that boys and girls may go through, after all the majority of comments were actually against T.I as he doesn’t actually give the same energy to his son who is only 15 years old…

The Workplace:

This year, being the year that I started a placement, meant I entered the life of “corporate”. I now know the major difference between women and men. Yes, we are entering 2020 and equal pay is something we are still fighting for and when we are going to achieve it- who knows!
A lady I work with actually said to me “ be careful when you go into meetings, they will most likely make you quiet and be the note-taker for the duration of the discussion” and my mouth actually dropped open, to think that in this day, I may ( God forbid) have to endure that really shocked me.
On the other hand, I must say that I am proud of the amount of SH-E-O’S that are arising, whether it’s influencers, hair businesses, MUA’s, fashion designers etc, ladies are really changing the game, and gone are the days where we would be limited to smaller roles such as – note takers.
I guess the double standards we face hasn’t disappeared over time, we still have to chase after roles such as promotions and CEO positions whilst having other duties at home.

The Home:

Now this may be a cultural thing, and me writing this, I can only speak for the African culture that I know of. In my previous post about Growing Up As The Only Girl. I talk about being raised in a house amongst boys, made me the “second mum of the house” and even at age 20 going on 21 this role still applies. I think the double standard here is that in our current society, women are going out nd making money in comparison to before where they were expected to stay at home and cook and clean. However they are still expected to be the foundation and the sustainer of the home by keeping it in perfect shape whilst, boys or men are not expected to do so. I guess as time goes on things may change, and with the fast rise of technological gadgets, we won’t have to rely so much on women to fulfil roles around the house.

Thanks for reading this short post, and for being patient with me during my times of inconsistent posting !

 

awkward get me out of here GIF by Talk Stoop

Remain blessed !

ESSENCE TALKS 5 – THE BBL DILEMMA.

It’s Friday. You’ve just come home from a long week of work and your girls have invited you for a night out of drinks and fun. Despite your feet aching, your hair not being washed and your heart desperately yearning for your remote to watch Netflix in bed – you decide to go. That silk black dress that you know is figure hugging is eagerly staring back at you as it lays on your bed.. but then your head slowly starts to drop down almost as if you are a baby struggling to stay awake as you look at your “FUPA”

Okay story telling is over- let’s address the elephant in the room. Orrr page…

Yes, the infamous BBL, the abbreviation that is going all around the streams of social media and has now become the new trend/phase lately causing numerous of girls to go under the knife and causes numerous amounts of debates online. And here I am to add my own 2 cents into it.

Why am I calling it a dilemma? :
I decided to name this post the BBL dilemma only based on the reason that I am literally stuck on whether I support the option to have a procedure done and whether not to. I wouldn’t say I’m contradicting myself by supporting two different options but let’s just say I am in support of a person’s choice to change an insecurity if they have the means to and it is not detrimental to anyone’s wellbeing. However, I am also in much support of women not automatically succumbing to social trends based on their body part and then going under the knife is then seen as their only option to getting rid of a body part that society has deemed unflattering. So, since I haven’t come to a solid conclusion about which side, I’m on I will call it a dilemma.

The Biology Lesson:
BBL’S or Brazilian Butt Lifts is a surgical procedure in which fat is transferred from different body parts such as the abdomen, hips, lower back and thighs through liposuction and then transferred to the butt to create a desired look of a larger butt or a curvier body.
I can’t pinpoint exactly when it started to be on the rise in terms of popularity, but I believe it began to be an American craze before it crossed borders to the UK. According to the BBC there are several reasons why BBL’s cause severe damage or even death to women, such as injecting the fat the deep muscle tissue which can be incorrectly put into the veins, fat being transferred to the bloodstream and then to the heart, or it being done by inexperienced practitioners.

Image result for bbl surgery

Average People:

This whole post was inspired after watching Live from Layfield’s YouTube video talking about the problem of average people (mainly being influencers, youtubers etc) getting these procedures done. It leaves us to really question where the line has to be drawn with it. I like the points they were making, and it really made me question some of the things regarding these surgical procedures, one being about insecurity.

I’ve started to notice that you are never really going to be happy with your insecurities, whether it be the size of your height, your FUPA or the size of your butt, how it doesn’t agree with the size that society has deemed to be acceptable. But the fact that going under the knife to create something that agrees with societal standards, doesn’t mean deep down you have changed your insecurity, you have almost just masked it.

So, when its average people promoting this procedure and ‘influencing’ to follow suit, I guess it leads us to question are they really influencing body confidence, or influencing societal standards?

Solutions:
Like the YouTube video said, I believe the main solution to this is to know who you are in Christ/ or at least know your worth if you are not religious. God did not make any mistake when making you, this is evident by making you very unique to everyone else, no one else has your fingerprint even, if you think God made you the same would he have let things such as the amount of hairs on your head be the same as everyone else’s? I’m not trying to preach here but its’ food for thought.

Others include:
-Limiting your social media time: One tip that Is recommended is to have a limit on your social media time, I would say Instagram the most, bodies are plastered constantly all over the explore page and it can be discouraging to one’s eye. If it’s really affecting, you decrease your time

-Verbal agreements: if this means standing in the mirror every day for 5 minutes repeating to yourself “I am happy with my body” then by all means do so. Verbally repeating something to yourself each day will aid in increasing your self-confidence.

Thanks for reading x

Confessions Of An Insecure Girl

Hey Readers…

So I remember writing this post back in April of what was 2018 , however something prevented me from posting this , but i thought its’s a new year and why let things get in the way of posting your great work and effort … so it’s not an easy post but it i’m sure it would motivate someone who may read this :

So, let’s take a trip down to memory lane… maybe around secondary school times. The early stages of puberty have just kicked in and you see yourself developing in various ways. Ways that maybe you didn’t quite understand. As unsolicited cushions of fatty tissue, unattractive blemishes and wild pubic hair begin to invade your body.

Then the social construct of insecurities comes along, and you start to realise that as your body changes, the images you’re faced with in a daily basis don’t. The covers of Vogue, Grazia and even page 3 of the Sun, look nothing like you. And before you know it, you’re out of the game. You tick none of the boxes when it comes to the world’s perspective of conventional beauty.

When it comes to insecurities, the thought of the body comes to mind, doesn’t it ? Don’t get me wrong, body image- the major player that men and women of all ages have to battle, even as we mature and emotional uncertainties about our bodies tend to remain forever young. This can range from height and weight, right down to awkward physical assets such as boobs or maybe deeper issues such as skin tone. It has been stated that by as young as 13, at least 50% of girls are significantly unhappy about their physical appearance. Upon reading this admittedly, I fell into the 50%.

University intensified this for me. Stepping into a new place where you barely know anyone and first impressions are imperative to making your mark. The first nights out are always the great ones meeting people and making close friends. However, it stood out to me that I was insecure about my appearance when I wouldn’ even wear certain clothes because it exposed certain things about my body . E.g weight gain. I feel like this was the case for many young men who aspire to be extremely built #Gains and women who want the cole bottle curves.

I guess it became quite serious when I was at the point if virtually starving myself, just to get the look that I wanted. The look that “society” deemed to be perfect. Now dieting is completely fine, and it is considered healthy- only when you are doing it the right way and for the right reasons though. Now, I can admit that I was doing it for my appearance and definitely doing the most unadvisable way. I would have frequent periods of simply not eating ; describing it as my way of “fasting” and adding my ideal body weight to my short lost of prayer points.

I fell deep into the dark side of social media and created a new goal for my weight gain.

Approximately 91% of women are unhappy with their bodies and resort to dieting to achieve their ideal body shape which is mostly influenced by social media. I mean amazing bodies are literally glorified all over timelines and explore pages, and while this virtual fit-fam may seem motivating to one individual, it is a detrimental reminder of a constant insecurity to the other.

With around 800 million people using Instagram daily, it is inevitable to be influenced by the photos posted on the platform and not develop insecurities about it. Especially for a young adult in this generation, you are more or less likely to have at least one type of social media platform you use, whether it be Instagram, Snapchat or even Facebook. So you are bound to have encounters of public figures or celebrities with ideal body types which can be discouraging at times to the viewer.

I really got hit with anxiety with my self when it came to social media. I was constantly checking my weight, my appearance in the mirror, how my makeup looked whenever I was out and constantly reapplying that Fenty glow believing it would magically mask how I truly felt. I was so bothered by how others perceived me and would review old selfies to remind myself of the times I felt I was THE actual sauce. It took me a while to realise that it was in this constant cycle of feeling unfulfilled about myself and how uncomfortable I was to be in my own body. I knew I had to control this urge of wanting to improve something with my appearance, even when there was nothing to work on.

So here are some thing i’ve started to note to ease this feeling of not appreciating myself:

Written affirmations : I would write down my best assets and things that I value about myself and read them over and over again until I started to appreciate these things for their true worth.

My Faith: Being a Christian, I turned to God for help and I found out that Psalm 193:14 really aided me in struggling times, but after a while I started to overcome my insecurities with his help! I started to be honest with him about my insecurities and I started to realise that God has definitely made me the way he is for a reason.

So to end it here , I hope this motivated you to accept yourself for the way you are. This was a long one so thanks if you made it to the end 😂,

Thanks for reading and see you on my next post !

What I’m Leaving Behind In 2018

Hey Readers !

So I’m back with a new post today, and I just had to squeeze this in before the year ends, otherwise the title of this post would be completely pointless.

I’m sure if you’ve been on YouTube lately then you’ve seen the “Things We Need To Leave In 2018” videos piling up on your watchlist. For those of you who remain oblivious to it, it’s just a video of people’s gathered thoughts and opinions of what they believe shouldn’t be carried into 2019. You know, AirPods, bad frontal wigs, Fraud Bae… the list goes on and on and on.

But on some recent self-reflection, I decided to come up with my own version of things that I am not taking into 2019. Now these aren’t materialistic things like wigs or whatever, they are more characteristic and behavioural traits that I think should stay in the year of 2018. So here I present to you some things that I plan to leave here, and hopefully you can relate to these and follow me into it as well !

 

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1. Not sharing my blog enough.
So, I’ve realised that I’ve been holding myself back when exposing this blog. Truth of the matter is, to this day many people don’t realise I blog or that I own one. They may have seen it on my Instagram page that I post pictures and often use the popular phrase “Link In Bio” on almost every caption. However I still feel scared, yes scared, to share my blog. Currently I only share my blog on Instagram as I feel that other bloggers are around, so sharing my blog will be the norm, just how someone shares their hair page, or their music page. HOWEVER, when it comes to other apps such as SnapChat or simply through word of mouth, I never managed to accomplish the act of sharing my posts there. I guess because I know the people on my Snap, therefore I was scared of what they would think of me doing so, and a part of me doubted if they would even read my posts.

In this day and age where everyone is starting up their channels, and gaining follows on all social media apps, little me with a blog on the side must admit it can be hard to compete with others, but what I guess is my New Years revolution is to definitely share my post on all my social media platforms and to actually tell people about it. I mean, it’s not compulsory to read my posts, but if I can bless/inspire/motivate one person by my blog then I think I have achieved my purpose of the blog.

2. Comparing myself to others.
We have all heard the saying, “comparison is the thief of joy” and that is the harsh truth. I’ve realised this year that I have been comparing myself to other people’s success and gains, and that has had en effect on my self-esteem. Not only comparing my blog, but other things regarding education, self-development and also personal life goals. This is a big one for me in the upcoming year, as I have learned that everyone is walking their own paths and is going at their own pace, therefore if I cam slower or quicker than anyone in achieving something, it wouldn’t really matter, we are all chasing our goals individually!

3. Contradicting myself.
Another phrase you have all hear is definitely “PRACTISE WHAT YOU PREACH” and I can admit that hasn’t always been the case for me. Numerous amount of times, whenever I am writing a motivational post, I plan exactly what I am going to tell my readers, things they should cut out of their lives and things they should bring into their lives. But me being me, I fail to state my failures and my trials. Things like praying to God and reading the Bible, chasing your dreams, not letting anxiety get to you, The reality is even after I finish writing my posts, am I strict in doing so myself? I can’t come on here and talk about all the things that would solve a problem or situation for somebody reading, without incorporating these things myself. Everything is easier said than it is done, however I would be contradicting myself, or just simply being a hypocrite if I don’t practise the things that I preach on here- It simply gotta go in 2019 !

So to end here, I don’t see tis post as just a negative rant of myself, but rather an acknowledgment of my wrongdoings in the year. As I go ahead to change these things in my life for the new year, I also urge my readers to evaluate their own selves in preparation for the new year. So this is it for me in 2018, and I can’t wait to be back writing with you guys in 2019.

Have a lovely, prosperous and blessed new year !

Social Media : What’s the limit to Influencing ?

I was having a discussion the other day with a close church friend and we were discussing social media and the role of influencers. How much they influence, how much we should be influenced by them, the roles they play in our lives and how we let them dictate living our lives daily.

Before I write any more, I’m going off the definition of an influencer being:

A person who has achieved a high status/credibility on social media platforms, and can use this to change people’s mindsets, activity and beliefs by their words or by their actions themselves. 

yeah, hope that makes sense 🙂

As we are going into 2019, it is no surprise that people of a younger demographic all have a smartphone and have access to at least one social media account. Whether it be Instagram, YouTube, Tumblr etc. here you can find millions of social media influencers who have made it a living to become an influencer through working with brands and organisations that mainly gain income through promoting their products. Asides from that, they have the power and the means to create an instant following by starting off trends and wearing the latest clothing and designs. Hey, if the hottest influencer out there is rocking a new pair of jeans or a new pair of earrings, wouldn’t you want to do the same too ?

I myself have a fair share of subscriptions on YouTube that I watch and look up to. Either because they have some amazing style, offer great tips on makeup or beauty. Or quite frankly have presented life-changing tips that have actually affected the way I live and how I view life in general. However, I don’t follow these people on Instagram or Snapchat.

So, what’s the reason behind doing so you ask ? I KNOW MYSELF. I go on Instagram and Snapchat without a doubt at least 20 times a day ( probably more than this, I know I’m working on it) and as much as I would love to see these big influencers and celebrities on my screen, a part of me deep down inside would feel resentment. We live in a world where there are pressures to be the best that there is out there. I’m sure we are not all stranger to the saying “comparison is the thief of all joy” and this my friend, is the true reality.

With social media, there is always the feeling of being the best or owning the most amount of followers, and I will even own up to this- we love the feeling we get when we get an extra like on a photo or when a huge page reposts your picture with all credits being given to you. You feel valued, recognised and praised for it. But why can’t we get these things in real life ? Why does it take a page on social media to tell you that you have cool style or take great photos. It’s all the effects that comes with social media and I guess it has become normalised to think we are not effected by the power that social media has on our “social” lives.

I didn’t want this to be a long post, even though I have so much more to say on this subject, so I will probably end here. But in essence, I choose to not be influenced by these people so that they dictate my everyday lifestyle and habits, but I let them influence me in a way that I will be motivated, humbled and open for success !

Thanks for reading !

G R A T I T U D E.

G R A T I T U D E.

So, as the winter season is finally coming to an end (hopefully) and spring starts to sweep around, I guess I had what you call an “Epiphany” moment about being grateful

Funnily enough I was just scrolling through YouTube as you do and came across a video by one of my favourite You tubers Ayyonline. I guess I can call him a comedian as he used to make loads of hilarious videos from rants to challenges to QnA’s, however he took a long break from YouTube and returned shortly which I am soo happy about.

Anyways, he made a video titled “Are You Cold?” and me knowing how funny he is, I automatically thought that it was going to be just another video about a rant or something, however he made a valid video about how grateful we should be and how privileged we are.

Now I actually don’t know much about Climate Change and Global Warming and what not, however for it to still be snowing heavily in March-doesn’t look too promising does it? But the main points he made in the video were about us practicing our gratitude more and for us appreciating things that we take for granted.

Now where my Uni is, it’s very cold- like extremely cold. So, I avoid going out as much as I can to stay as warm as possible, but as I was thinking to myself, I realised that I haven’t been practicing gratitude as much as I could or should be doing. It just comes automatically to me that at the end of the day, I know I am going to a room with a bed, clothes, heating and warmth, however someone out on the streets isn’t.

Now I know we watch adverts on TV and we hear about charities almost every day, and we think to ourselves, yeah that’s all great and all, but when was the last time that you sat down and really appreciated the smallest things you have in life? After all the saying “you don’t know what you have, until it’s gone” is very true and relevant.

It really hit me at that moment when I was thinking to myself, when have I actually given back to my community or done something for someone in need? We always complain that there’s not enough time or energy to give back to charity or help out, but even experiencing some of these cold winters recently made me deeply evaluate my level of gratitude, and I wouldn’t say that I’m upset with myself, but more at peace that I’ve realised where I’ve gone wrong and how I can improve on myself. I guess its all just a process of self-reflection at the end of the day, and just analysing our daily contributions to life in general.

So yeah, that’s just a short post that I had to get out this week, something that was really urging me to share my thought out onto the blog!

Stay Blessed and Remain Grateful x

Is H&M Racist ??

So if you’ve been scrolling down your social media pages this week, you probably would have come across this picture…

Image result for h&m monkey jumper

This was a picture released by clothing store H&M this week , showing a young black boy modelling children’s clothing, perfectly fine right ? However what has sparked global outcry, as I should say is the backlash H&M received over the words printed on the jumper ” Coolest Monkey In The Jungle”. Many people were outraged over this picture, questioning H&M’s reasons behind this and even threatening to boycott the clothing store. As this is all over my Instagram feed, I looked into this more and decided to talk about my opinion on this interesting topic.

Now personally, ( I really hope I don’t get backlash for this lool ) I actually don’t think its racist at all. Here’s why. I was just scrolling through my explore page on Instagram as you do normally, and I happen to come across this picture as it had gained prominence on social media. My immediate thought to this was , “oh just another store promoting their clothing- normal right?” It wasn’t until I clicked on the picture and the caption  was shaming H&M for releasing this picture on their website, blaming them for deliberate racist terminology being used on the model, it just wasn’t looking good.

So I thought to myself, what is the big deal ? It wasn’t until I read the comments, that everyone was angry at the words printed on the jumper. That’s where I began to understand everyone’s outrage. Now obviously the connotations with “monkeys” and black people have stemmed from the past, it could even be argued as a current racial issue today, so when it has been printed on a black boy, it is understandable to an extent to see where everyone’s anger has come from.

But I still thought about it and said to myself, wellll …. is it really necessary for people to be on such a rant about this ? Is it really racist as people say it is ? and honestly I thought to myself – no. If you think about it, at the end of the day it’s children’s clothing. You would normally see words such as the one printed above written on boys children’s clothing, even the boy who happens to be white modelling with him had the words ” Mangrove Jungle Survival Expert” printed on his jumper, it just so happened that the boy with the monkey caption was black, so immediately everyone went on a social media rampage about the jumper. I do totally see where people with these views are coming from, but strangely I would say I don’t completely agree with them.

This picture has really had an effect on people, so much that even Diddy has apparently offered the boy a $1 million dollar modelling contract in response to H&M’  actions. The Weeknd who had a collaboration with H&M last year stated “i’m deeply offended and will not be working with the brand anymore” on his twitter, adding to the publicity of this picture due to his huge following on Twitter. The main response to this was the huge amount of people stating they were going to boycott the store, both online and in store branches, in response to their actions.

Seeing this reminded me of the Dove campaign, back in 2011 outrage sparked over Dove’s ad showing a black female taking off a brown shirt over head, to which a white female is shown after, insinuating that using the dove product will either make you whiter I’m guessing ? , however people failed to miss the fact that after the white woman was shown, she took off her top and a middle eastern woman was shown, demonstrating that the Dove lotion works for all skin tones and every race. But I can’t even lie, I was angry back then myself about this ad, I guess we all misinterpreted the meanings behind this ad ! Image result for dove racist advert

Well I’ve stated my points and opinions on this controversial topic regarding H&M, and I would really love to see who agrees with my views, many would say that H&M made this move and don’t realise the consequences that came with this picture, also many would say the they were doing this for publicity as they are one of the trending topics of news on social media right now. Whatever the intentions where behind this picture is really left for the individual to decide…