Confessions Of An Insecure Girl

Hey Readers…

So I remember writing this post back in April of what was 2018 , however something prevented me from posting this , but i thought its’s a new year and why let things get in the way of posting your great work and effort … so it’s not an easy post but it i’m sure it would motivate someone who may read this :

So, let’s take a trip down to memory lane… maybe around secondary school times. The early stages of puberty have just kicked in and you see yourself developing in various ways. Ways that maybe you didn’t quite understand. As unsolicited cushions of fatty tissue, unattractive blemishes and wild pubic hair begin to invade your body.

Then the social construct of insecurities comes along, and you start to realise that as your body changes, the images you’re faced with in a daily basis don’t. The covers of Vogue, Grazia and even page 3 of the Sun, look nothing like you. And before you know it, you’re out of the game. You tick none of the boxes when it comes to the world’s perspective of conventional beauty.

When it comes to insecurities, the thought of the body comes to mind, doesn’t it ? Don’t get me wrong, body image- the major player that men and women of all ages have to battle, even as we mature and emotional uncertainties about our bodies tend to remain forever young. This can range from height and weight, right down to awkward physical assets such as boobs or maybe deeper issues such as skin tone. It has been stated that by as young as 13, at least 50% of girls are significantly unhappy about their physical appearance. Upon reading this admittedly, I fell into the 50%.

University intensified this for me. Stepping into a new place where you barely know anyone and first impressions are imperative to making your mark. The first nights out are always the great ones meeting people and making close friends. However, it stood out to me that I was insecure about my appearance when I wouldn’ even wear certain clothes because it exposed certain things about my body . E.g weight gain. I feel like this was the case for many young men who aspire to be extremely built #Gains and women who want the cole bottle curves.

I guess it became quite serious when I was at the point if virtually starving myself, just to get the look that I wanted. The look that “society” deemed to be perfect. Now dieting is completely fine, and it is considered healthy- only when you are doing it the right way and for the right reasons though. Now, I can admit that I was doing it for my appearance and definitely doing the most unadvisable way. I would have frequent periods of simply not eating ; describing it as my way of “fasting” and adding my ideal body weight to my short lost of prayer points.

I fell deep into the dark side of social media and created a new goal for my weight gain.

Approximately 91% of women are unhappy with their bodies and resort to dieting to achieve their ideal body shape which is mostly influenced by social media. I mean amazing bodies are literally glorified all over timelines and explore pages, and while this virtual fit-fam may seem motivating to one individual, it is a detrimental reminder of a constant insecurity to the other.

With around 800 million people using Instagram daily, it is inevitable to be influenced by the photos posted on the platform and not develop insecurities about it. Especially for a young adult in this generation, you are more or less likely to have at least one type of social media platform you use, whether it be Instagram, Snapchat or even Facebook. So you are bound to have encounters of public figures or celebrities with ideal body types which can be discouraging at times to the viewer.

I really got hit with anxiety with my self when it came to social media. I was constantly checking my weight, my appearance in the mirror, how my makeup looked whenever I was out and constantly reapplying that Fenty glow believing it would magically mask how I truly felt. I was so bothered by how others perceived me and would review old selfies to remind myself of the times I felt I was THE actual sauce. It took me a while to realise that it was in this constant cycle of feeling unfulfilled about myself and how uncomfortable I was to be in my own body. I knew I had to control this urge of wanting to improve something with my appearance, even when there was nothing to work on.

So here are some thing i’ve started to note to ease this feeling of not appreciating myself:

Written affirmations : I would write down my best assets and things that I value about myself and read them over and over again until I started to appreciate these things for their true worth.

My Faith: Being a Christian, I turned to God for help and I found out that Psalm 193:14 really aided me in struggling times, but after a while I started to overcome my insecurities with his help! I started to be honest with him about my insecurities and I started to realise that God has definitely made me the way he is for a reason.

So to end it here , I hope this motivated you to accept yourself for the way you are. This was a long one so thanks if you made it to the end 😂,

Thanks for reading and see you on my next post !

My Favourite Summer Scents 2017

Everybody loves to smell good, don’t they ? Well for me I’m all about the perfumes of recent. I love sweet smelling scents that exhume flourescene and vibrancy from people- That’s the scents I like to smell and wear myself, I believe perfume reveals a lot about character and personality from a person without even getting to directly know them !  So here are a few scents that I have been using for years and years but have really stuck out to me in 2017 for their amazing smells and designs!

1.La Vie Est Belle’-LancĂ´me

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I got this perfume this year and honestly it has become my favourite ever since and that’s why it has to be top on the list! This scent has a sweet smell bursting out wist strong smells that is very log lasting and absolutely perfect for the summer time – such a gorgeous scent

2.Little Black Dress-Avon

Now I wouldn’t say this scent is exactly the sweetest but it does give you an instant kick when you first smell it, I guess this scent would be perfect for a night out rather than if you were out in the daytime sun- this scent represent maturity to me which is still what I like at times and is still perfect for the summer time       IMG_2396.JPG3.White Linen- Estee Lauder

Hmm, once smelling this I thought woooo this is definitely something my Mum would wear as a perfume. It is very strong and very mature for a summer scent for teens, lool that’s the best way I can describe it. Nevertheless I actually enjoy wearing it as a saytime scent. It kind of has a edgy and vitange vibe to it which I find fascinating and feinitley a summer scent of mine for the year IMG_2398.JPG4.Si – Georgio Armani

Okay so we are back to the sweet smelling scents once again and this perfume is similar to the LancĂ´me one, however I would say that the LancĂ´me perfume is more sweeter smelling. Si however is a light scent that could be worn for everday use, even if you are not going anywhere special. It lasts long and is very easy to wear, I’m sure anyone would adore this scent –

IMG_2399.JPG5.Eternity Moment- Calvin Klein

I would have to compare Eternity Moment to Little Black Dress as it doesn’t completely have a sweet scent but it has a mature scent to it. Honsetly what attracted me to this was the bottle , I’ve really been loving things that are pink lately and I found the packaging for this so cute.!

IMG_24016.Pink Lemonade -Bath and Body Works

I got this spray in Canada from a shop called Bath and Body works ( Similar to The Body Shop or Soap&Glory) it’s actually a spray but it has a really sweet scent, I can compare it to Lucozade as it is the same flavour of Pink Lemondae and I definitely have savoured this to prevent it from running out due to it’s sweet scent- one of my favs! IMG_2402.JPG7.YSL-Black Opium

Seductive. All I could think about this Perfume really , This scent yet again has a sweet scent but has a kind of intriguing scent to it especially if it is worn lightly. This is definitely a scent to wear for a girls night out or for a romantic date at it leaves a sensual; aftermast on the skin!

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Do check out these perfumes, they can be purchased online or in many stores across London such as The Perfume Shop , if you like sweet smelling scents then these are bound to end up in your collection !

Efe x